Jokes for musicians only

RO Admin Joined: Mar 20, 2000 Posts: 4328 Location: Canada

Jokes for musicians only... (substitute the instrument of your choice as desired...)> Q: What's the rarest question in the English language? > A: "Is that the banjo player's Porsche?" > > Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? > A: A Flat Miner > > Q: What do you call a person that hangs around with bands? > A: Bass player. > > Q: What do you call a drummer without a significant other? > A: Homeless! > > Q: You can trash an accordion or bagpipes. Which do you choose? > A: The accordion... Business before pleasure! > > Q: Why was the harmonica player drooling from one corner of his mouth? > A: The stage wasn't level. > > Q: How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb? > A: One to change the light bulb and five to say "I could do that." > > Q: What's the difference between a folk singer and a bond? > A: Eventually the bond will mature and make money. > > Q: What do you call a banjo player with a beeper? > A: An optimist! > > Q: What's the difference between a dulcimer and an onion? > A: Nobody cries when you slice up a dulcimer. > > Q: How many bodhran players does it take to change a light bulb? > A: Don't know, we managed it once but none of us could count. > > Q: How do you know a drummer is at your door? > A: The knocking speeds up and he's not sure quite when to come in. > > Q: How can you tell if a band is playing on a level stage? > A: The drummer is drooling from BOTH sides of his mouth. > > Q: What's the last thing the drummer said before leaving the band? > A: Hey guys! Lets try one of my tunes! > > Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? > A: None! They have a machine to do that now. > > Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? > A: None. The keyboardist can do it with his left hand. > > Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? > A: One; but the guitar player has to show him how first. > > Q: What's the range of a fretless six string? > A: 20 yards if you have a good arm > > Q: How do you make a double bass sound in tune? > A: Chop it up and make it into a xylophone. > > Q: How do you get a guitarist to turn down his amp? > A: Give him a sheet of music. > > Q: What did the guitarist get on his chemistry exam? > A: Drool > > Q: What do you throw a drowning guitar player? > A: His amp. > > Q: How many singers does it take to change a light bulb? > A: One. They hold the bulb in the socket...the world revolves around > them. > > Q: There is a knock at your door, how do you know it's a singer? > A: They can't find the key and don't know when to come in! > > Q: How many altos does it take to change a light bulb? > A: Don't be silly, they can't go that high. > > Q: What's the difference between a puppy and a folksinger? > A: Eventually the puppy stops whining. > > Q: How many country singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? > A: 7! 1 to screw in the bulb, and 6 write a about missing the old > one. > > Q: What's the difference between a piano and a Harley-Davidson? > A: One of us might be able to tune a Harley. > > Q: What would a musician do if he won a million dollars? > A: Continue to play gigs until the money ran out. > > Q: Why do bagpipers walk around when they play? > A: To get away from the noise. > > Q: Why do bagpipers walk around when they play? > A: Because it's really hard to hit a moving target. > > Q: What's the difference between a banjo and a boat anchor? > A: You tie a rope around the anchor before you throw it overboard. > > Q: What happens if you play country music backwards? > A: Your wife returns...Your dog lives...You get out of prison... > > Q: What do you get when you play New Age music backwards? > A: New Age music! > > Q: How long does it take to tune a hammered dulcimer? > A: Nobody knows... > > Q: What's the difference between a fiddle and a banjo? > A: A Banjo burns longer. > > Q: How many Folk club goers does it take to change a light bulb? > A: Ten. One to change it and nine to complain that it's electric! > > Q: How many folkies does it take to change a light bulb? > A: Change? > > Q: Why do banjo players make bad spouses? > A: Because they're so picky, picky, picky.... > > Q: How many zither players does it take to screw in a light bulb? > A: Anywhere from 19 to 72. > > Q: What do you call a zither mounted on the hood of your car? > A: An autoharp. > > Q: Which is more frustrating, a zither or chess? > A: A zither; it's easy to find someone to show you how to play chess. >

Posted: Wed Sep 06, 2000 12:31 am

Q: How many producers does it take to change a light bulb? A: I don't know, what do you think?

Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2000 1:13 am

Q: What is the most-asked question at band rehearsal? A:"Who's the new drummer?"And then, after he leaves...Q:What is the usual critique of the new drummer? A:"He's a good drummer, but he's a beat off."Hope that's not too "off color"...

Posted: Sat Sep 16, 2000 5:23 am

"Whats the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?"A: "You only have to punch the data in to the drum machine once"Sorry!------------------ "Listen first, Analyse Later"

Posted: Wed Sep 27, 2000 4:13 pm

Yeah, but sometimes you'd like to punch the drummer more than once...

Posted: Wed Sep 27, 2000 8:26 pm

Ha! I once was in a band that went through 12 drummers in 11 weeks. OH MY GOD, what a nightmare! I was just a side man. I'm still shocked over it.sorry drummers, time to speak up if your out there.

------------------

Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2000 3:23 pm

Uh, many drummers can't read....

Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2000 2:31 am

Q. What's the diff. between a dead snake and a dead trombone player laying along the road...A. The snake may have been on his way to a gig!

Posted: Tue Feb 13, 2001 8:13 pm

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by cb: Ha! I once was in a band that went through 12 drummers in 11 weeks. OH MY GOD, what a nightmare!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>So...are you Nigel, or David St. Hubbins?

Posted: Wed Feb 14, 2001 1:06 pm

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by cb: Sorry drummers, time to speak up if your out there.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a proctoligist?A: A proctoligist only has to deal with one asshole at a time...

Posted: Wed Feb 14, 2001 8:48 pm

Q. What's the difference between a bull and a big band? A. A bull has the horns in front and the asshole in back.Q. What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead record exec in the road? A. There's skid marks next to the skunk.Q. What happens when you play a country music record backwards? A. You get your truck back, you get your baby back, your dog comes home, and you quit drinking.

Posted: Fri Feb 16, 2001 9:11 am

Q. How do you make a trombone player's car more aerodynamic?A. Take the "Domino's Pizza" sign off the top.---Q. What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?A. New Age music.

Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2001 5:40 pm

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Yuri Terleckyj: POP...POP "Is this thing on?" <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Not any more...

Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2001 9:52 am

Q - How do you know a drummer has been to your house at night?A - Your garbage cans are empty and your dog is pregnant..

Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2001 10:47 am

Whats the difference between a drummer and a pig? A pig want stay up all night to fuck a drummer.

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