Please critique "12 Steps"

Posted: Fri Jan 31, 2003 6:32 pm

An overall critique. Lyrics are my strongest suit, I know my production skills are lacking, and my voice has the range of a bb gun in hurricane, but I'd love to hear what people think of the song itself.

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Track: <a href='http://www.nowhereradio.com/artists/album?aid=2431&alid=-1#9803'>12 Steps</a>
Artist: <a href='http://www.nowhereradio.com/artists/?aid=2431'>Dan Cray</a>
<em>1.9MB - 2:01</em>
Available in hi-fi or lo-fi streaming and download.
<a href='http://www.nowhereradio.com/artists/album?aid=2431&alid=-1#9803'>The track is available here</a>

<em>Critique submission system compliments of <a href='http://www.nowhereradio.com'>NoWhereRadio.com</a></em>

Posted: Tue Feb 04, 2003 2:47 am

Quote:

"A little too bored with the little we say
When we're faced with the closing speeches,"

Well, that about says it all. Verrrrry tedious. Lyrics are depressing. I won't say anything about the music, you already did. I suggest you try to find something in life you like and write about that. You have a good way with words, I'm just too bummed out to say anything positive after reading and hearing your lyrics. Fats
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Tannoy, Dynaudio, Blue Sky, JBL, Earthworks, Westlake, NS 10's Very Happy

, Genelec, Hafler, KRK, and PMC
Those are good. …………………….. Pick one.
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Posted: Tue Feb 04, 2003 7:15 am

I'm going to disagree with flats for the most part. You have a vocal style remeniscent of the singer of Cold Play. The music is dark, no doubt, but well done. It would definitely need to be rerecorded with better, but similar production. I don't like your performance on the chorus. It seems rushed and like you're cramming in the lyrics rather than letting lyrics and melody become one thing. Over all, good, dark. Sometimes I feel like there are a group of producers who just aren't familiar with modern alternative music. For this style, your song is very original and well concieved.

Posted: Tue Feb 04, 2003 7:45 am

Hi

I agree with Battleangel.
I feel your song is good.
It does have a resemblance to 'Coldplay',
but it sounds more like 'Belle & Sebastian'
This is definetedly the most interesting guitar song I've listened to at this board

Soundwise, needs rerecording
especially the drums.
It also seems several tracks are off for a couple of .1 sec

Maybe forget about technicalities, get someone else to do it and work even more on your concepts / arrangements. f.e. why use the voval doubling in the chorus? isn't there a drum(-pattern) which sounds more uptight to complement the lyrics / vibe.

Posted: Tue Feb 04, 2003 10:12 am

It needs to be re-recorded, yes. But who cares if the song needs to be re-recorded? You can learn about that. I *dug* the song itself. It was about 10 degrees off center, which is to say that it was unexpected, but it wasn't "over far-out".

I liked the vocals, too--your self-policing aside.

I'm not sure I understand the lyrics completely. I can just hear a bunch of sometimes conflicitng metaphors. Would you do me a favor and explain them? I really want to hear where you're coming from.

I also like how the music is way more progressive than the words let on (after reading them once first.) I was expecting a lugubrious classic rock song. You subverted my expectation--good.

Please respond.

Thanks-
.nick

Posted: Tue Feb 04, 2003 11:00 am

dan,

just listened to all your different tunes. There is so much potential in the majority of these songs. You play the 'dark brooding artist' thing just a little too strongly in some spots to make it a totally enjoyable ride, and I think that's my main critiscm. You're an absolutely excellent and very unique songwriter, but I think you're the kind of person who really needs a producer, at least for vocals (I'm the same way). If you were anywhere near New York, I'd love to work with you!

Ben

Posted: Tue Feb 04, 2003 9:01 pm

Thank you all for the feedback. All the suggestions were right on, except for re recording. This was my 2nd stab at recording this song, and my first attempt at programming drums. To quote our dumbfounded pres, "fool me once, shame on you, me .. I .. we won't get fooled again." This song probably should've died with the bong hit that got it started.

For millionvalve,
It all comes down to me showing up 4 hours late at Nancy Callahan's house, when I was seventeen. She was unbelievably beautiful. Her dad had recently installed this track lighting in the kitchen but hadn't put the fixtures in yet. I tried to open a door that she'd generally left open for me, found it locked and had to knock.

Don't know why I'm telling you all this, the song is what you get from it. I'm not that friggin cryptic.

For Cedar Flats,
I've had tons of people tell me that my songs are depressing. You're in the majority.
I see them as more comedic, black comedy sure, but funny none the less. I'm just not good at writing happy songs, and to be perfectly honest most of your truly happy songs lack any kind of emotional depth, they're sappy. "Walking on Sunshine?" I gaurantee whoever wrote that load is as depressed as the day is long. I get my black shit out with the noise.

Which brings me to BattleAngel,
Brooding? Damn, reading what i've just written makes me wonder. But no, goddamnit I'm just writing songs. I gave up on that whole dark artist thing when I got married. Now I'm just drunk.

GentleG,
Yeah, I gotta get over that doubling thing, guess I figured if I threw enough down one track'd hit it dead on. I tend to fall in love with crappy mixes by blowing my eardrums out with the headphones. You really can normalize you ears if you're not carefull.

Again, thank you all for the advice. I'm really glad I found this site. And I hope you'll excuse the majority of my drunken ramblings. More of my noise should be available c/o the bloodsuckers (not the band just the practise):
mp3.com/dancray
Rinse and Spit,
Dan

Posted: Tue Feb 04, 2003 9:51 pm

Whatever, dude. You rock. Let me record you. Wink

Posted: Tue Feb 04, 2003 9:53 pm

The one on your dancray.net site sounds better, btw

Posted: Wed Feb 05, 2003 7:02 pm

BattleAngel,

I'd like to have you record me, but I'm never in New York (too many goddamn people) and I can't afford it anyway. Do you do mastering? Are you attending SXSW this year?

I have met a couple of bands from NY, Prosolar Mechanics are great people, and the guys from the Scott Farkus Affair were really cool too. You ever work with any of 'em?

I'm slowly trying to improve my home recording situation, buying slightly better mikes and all that. It's the mixdown that kills me. I just posted some works in progress on the dancray.net site

No drums yet, but am I getting any goddamn closer?

dan

Posted: Wed Feb 05, 2003 7:11 pm

I'll do it for free dude =) I might be in Boston actually sometime, and if I can get my mobile rig together, maybe we could do a track or two?

Posted: Wed Feb 05, 2003 7:12 pm

Okay, these latest clips rock. Your voice reminds me of a blend of Beck and the dude from Coldplay

Posted: Thu Feb 06, 2003 6:28 pm

Dan,
Thanks for the critique of my critique. Very Happy

I gotta say that (for me) the main turn off to all of your lyrics is that they are all related to substance and alcohol abuse. I've been there and done that and believe me it "Ain't all that and a bag 'o chips". There are a lot of other things that aren't "happy sappy" to write about. You have a very good way with words. I think you could write some stuff that was waaay more interesting. Keep on posting, that's what this is all about. Very Happy

, Genelec, Hafler, KRK, and PMC
Those are good. …………………….. Pick one.
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Posted: Thu Feb 06, 2003 7:24 pm

Fats,

You know the old saying, "write what you know." Now whereas I've absolutely no idea as to what a girl wants, I'm extremely well versed in self medication. And for what it's worth, I don't think that I in any way glorify said abuse. If anything, my songs point out the pathetic ends alcoholism can lead you to.

That said, yeah I do have way too many songs about booze. But I did write one about rainbows.

Posted: Thu Feb 06, 2003 7:31 pm

BattleAngel,

Hell yeah. Definitely let me know when you're gonna be in the boston area. Even if we don't record, I'd love to buy you a drink and pick your brain for a while. I'll give you my number.

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