When was this recorded? 1985? The sound is classic but, yeah, tough to go beyond that with the vocal being so rough. Oh hey! Look everybody...Ralph Machio just stopped in. What's that Ralph? Ralph says he would like to use this song in his next film...
The synthy/stringy parts at the begining and during the break are also rough and the sound doesn't seem right. It's not 80s enough. It's too 1991. You need to find a more Van Halen sounding patch.
keep us posted.