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audio Critique Welcome - Original Pop Rock Song Childrens Home

Discussion in 'Fix This MIX!' started by Jonathan Linton, Apr 21, 2015.

  1. Jonathan Linton

    Jonathan Linton Active Member

    Re-recorded a original song of mine. Somethings on a softer vein.


    Critique on the song and mix welcome.

    JONATHAN LINTON – CHILDREN’S HOME
    (Words by Jonathan Linton, Music by Jonathan Linton)

    8,000 years before, here on this sandy shore
    Walked our forefathers here just trying to survive
    If they were here today, they’d see we’ve gone astray
    Destroy the world we live in so that we can strive

    Nuclear race, atomic waste, forest erased, Stop!

    We must change our way, stop throwing away
    Too late for yesterday, but not too late today

    Wake up, rise up, it’s up….to you
    Stop relentless waste, end pollution haze
    Before we find out there is no place left to roam
    In our children’s home

    All our technology, poured in weaponry
    We kill our neighbors ‘cause of what they believe
    Power from the air and sea, could be our destiny
    But profit hungry ones pump oil to misconceive

    Nuclear race, atomic waste, forest erased, Stop!

    We must change our way, stop throwing away
    Too late for yesterday, but not too late today

    SOLO

    We must speak in protest, abuse of man’s progress
    We realize it wrong but feel a helpless fate
    I’m one of a ten billion, how can I change what’s done
    One voice that water drop that opens the flood gate

    Nuclear race, atomic waste, forest erased, Stop!

    We must change our way, stop throwing away
    Too late for yesterday, but not too late today

    Wake up, rise up, it’s up….to you
    Stop relentless waste, end pollution haze
    Before we find out there is no place left to roam
    In our children’s home
     
    audiokid likes this.
  2. pcrecord

    pcrecord Don't you want the best recording like I do ? Well-Known Member

    What's with the ebay link on the text ??
     
  3. Matt

    Matt Active Member

    The first obvious thing that stood out to me (and unfortunately there is not really nice way to say this), but maybe the song is in a key a tad to high for the vocal range of the singer.
    The overall balance I find is pretty bang on. Tweaks I would suggest, but might be more opinion related:
    1. Too much chorus on guitar effect in the intro
    2. As I often find with many drum samples...the drums do not add as much as they could/should. Drums contribute a lot towards building towards choruses, dynamics and so on and I find we often lose this with sampled drums.
    3. Vocals maybe a bit squashed? I just feel like it's lacking a bit of dynamics. Ex, at 2:38 to 2:45...should be more of a difference in the vocal level but it's maybe a bit flat.
    4. Maybe a bit of excessive sibilance. A bit too bright on the vocal eq maybe?

    I don't mean to be harsh as I find it is a very good starting point, but it's my opinion, you can chose to do what you want with it.
    I do like the kids laughing at the end, nice touch (don't mean to sound creepy haha)

    Cheers,
    Matt
     
  4. audiokid

    audiokid Staff

    I love the groove, but the reverb is a bit cold. Drop it off about half the amount on the vocals. Love the the snare.
    Put the harmonies in here stronger.
    I would add of bit more warmth on the lead break. Its a bit thin for me. Its a killler track.
     
  5. DonnyThompson

    DonnyThompson Distinguished Member

    Understand that when you present a song for critique to a room full of audio engineers, musicians, writes and producers, that you're apt to get many differing opinions - LOL - so keep that in mind before you run off to fix or change a bunch of things.
    We're all just telling you what we think, and how we might approach things individually. Now, that being said, if you start seeing the same kinds of critiques popping up in all of the replies, you may want to consider those suggestions more seriously.

    My general overview:

    Well balanced, smooth frequencies. I really like the kick and snare. Lead vox are smooth, although they do sound a bit pitchy at times.

    I think that the guitar solo could be warmed up more, it sounds kinda cold and "razory" - I also think that there's too much effect on the guitar during the solo - which may be adding to that unpleasant, cold sounding edge that's happening.

    On the whole, the reverb sounds a bit "set apart" from the mix, as opposed to sounding integrated with it, almost as if the verb is the focal point instead of being a supporting texture/depth.
    It's affecting the definition a bit. I'd pull the reverb amount /return back, by about half.

    I think the harmonies are nice, and that you might want to consider bringing them more forward in the mix.

    Some arrangement notes below, these are more of an individual artistic opinion here, not really engineering-related, so take it for what it's worth:

    When I saw the word STOP! in your lyrics, I was really expecting (and hoping) you would do just that - instead of using the delay effect on the vocal (which, FWIW, I think is a bit dated as an effect, and, out of balance with the lead vocal in the amount/feedback you used ) I would have much preferred to hear everything stop right at the moment you sang that word. No drum fills, no guitar solos, nothing... just dead silence for 3 quarter notes, and then everything back in on the down with the chorus section.

    But, again, that's just personal opinion. You've done a nice job here with the other mixing parameters - balance, EQ, etc.

    IMHO of course. :)

    d.
     
  6. Jonathan Linton

    Jonathan Linton Active Member

    Hi all,

    Please do not apologize for your critique and thanks a million for it - all very valuable and very much appreciated! I do not know 1,000 people telling me how good it is, I need direct feedback from a few on what can be improved. As you said, different people have different opinions and you have to pick and choice what you use. I will do a remix and post.
     
    pcrecord likes this.
  7. oynaz

    oynaz Active Member

    I read the title as literally "Original Pop Rock Song Children's Home" ;-)

    Rather cool title, actually.

    Normally there would be no point in commenting before you post your remix, but I feel I got to chime in on the vocals as well - they are definitely a bit off, and you should do a retake if you can. They really detract from an otherwise cool song as the y are.
     
  8. pcrecord

    pcrecord Don't you want the best recording like I do ? Well-Known Member

    I like the intro very much.. the solo is a bit thin.. but ok..

    The vocal verb seems a bit dark and in a cavern which makes it a part form the rest of the instruments. The vocal itself is nice but has too much High frequencies.. (hurts my eyes a bit) ;)
    Drum and bass are nice !

    I'll follow this to hear the remix.. Nice job so far, Great song !
     
  9. AndyB

    AndyB Staff Staff

    Wow! What an awesome song, loved every bit of of it. You're very talented. Great vocals and music.

    The reverb on "Stop" is the best part of the song.
     
  10. pcrecord

    pcrecord Don't you want the best recording like I do ? Well-Known Member

    It's a delay Andy, the reverb is the same through the song.
     
    AndyB likes this.

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