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Generic recording post template

Discussion in 'Recording' started by McCheese, Nov 10, 2005.

  1. McCheese

    McCheese Well-Known Member

    This can be stickied, then all the new idiots can just cut and paste it into their own post, and it will save them time.

    Dear forum-goers

    I have to record <insert musician type here> with <insert shitty microphone here> into my <insert pile of crap all-in-one daw/pirated software here>. I am too fat and lazy to actually move the mics around looking for a good sound, so I would like the exact X,Y,Z coordinates for mic placement for said instrument, as well as settings for preamp gain, compressor controls, EQ, reverb and chorus. It would be even better if you would come do it for me, but I will tell my friends I am a pro engineer because I got a mic and a DAW for only $99.

    Thank you for helping me continue my legacy of ineptitude.

    <insert your name here>
  2. baslotto

    baslotto Active Member

    And please be quick because I'm in the middle of a session and tonight I wanna get laid (without my glasses on, off course!!!). McCheese you are the man!!! :D


  3. I second my own comment about you re: the dark side.

    Most satisfying.

  4. RAIN0707

    RAIN0707 Guest

    haha a bit discouraging to the newbies who really do want to learn and just aren't keen to the lingo yet but i have to admit your template paints a picture and tells a story that is painfully true a lot of times. There are a lot of posts that strike me as laziness or people looking to take the "easy road" out. I think we just need to be aware that not everyone coming here has had the luxury of working in a real studio, taking engineering courses, can afford real good gear yet, or even knows where to begin. Everyone has to begin somewhere. Asking questions that have some merit to them is a greart start. It's the posts that follow McCheese's template above that begin to take the fun and joy out of helping out a new budding engineer and passing on knowledge we gained by NOT being lazy and asking REAL questions and then MAKING THE ATTEMPT TO APPLY that knowledge and finding out the results for ourselves. Too many posters want to know the destination without regards to the journey...
  5. McCheese

    McCheese Well-Known Member

    Asking legitimate questions is one thing, and I don't have a problem with it. Asking a question that is already on the front page, and has been asked over and over again is the problem. There are a few individuals currently reigning in at King Bonehead.

    Use the search engine.

    Go back a few pages.

    Take the time to read a book about the subject instead of expecting everyone here to solve every minute problem.
  6. RAIN0707

    RAIN0707 Guest

    I know, haha, i was agreeing with you...read my post again...like the conclusion...i totally agree
  7. McCheese

    McCheese Well-Known Member

    I know, I was posting that for the smooth-brained folks.
  8. Davedog

    Davedog Distinguished Member

    My brain has ridges and abnormalities out the WahZoo.......do I still qualify to bask in your glow?

    Okay I was being an ass.....

    Thats okay cause its MY FORUM!

    I love you guys ... really.

    Just dont cuss as much....freaks.

    The POINT of this post is not lost on those that have a clue.

    IF you are attempting to record your 'BAND' and cant for the life of you figger out why it sounds like ass when your local GitarMart 'professional' said this was the best you could get, then consider a BOOK on recording and try to understand the finer points of this ART .
    Did ya know that moving that POS mic two inches makes a world of difference in its response to a sound?
    Do you know why?

    Why not?

    You've spent next months rent and the baby's formula budget on this crap.....why not make it work correctly.....

    carry on.
  9. Well Said Dave
  10. UncleBob58

    UncleBob58 Active Member

    Hi All!

    I need some expert advice.

    There's this big switch on the back of my DAW thingie.

    Over the top of the switch are some symbols that look like this:


    Underneath the switch are some symbols that look like this:


    Everytime I move the switch back and forth the cute little lights on the top of my DAW thingie get bright and then go dark.

    When I point the switch on the back of my DAW thingie at the symbols that look like:


    I can't here any sound.

    Does anyone know what function this switch serves? I just can't seem to figure it out!
  11. Thomas W. Bethel

    Thomas W. Bethel Well-Known Member


    Too Funny!

    I guess when I was growing up I had very little in the way of pro quality recording equipment. Two channel professional tape decks cost in the thousands of dollars, recording consoles in the hundreds of thousand dollars and microphones were in the hundreds of dollars so if you wanted to lean how to record you had to use what was available to you. If you were very well off you could buy some used pro equipment. The down side was that the pro equipment was out of date and had problems so you had to learn how to fix it and keep it running. Along the way you learned a lot. From setting up a tape machine to finding out the best way to mic a drum set with a couple of microphones. You read everything you could find about recording and hung out at the local pro studio hoping to find out some new ideas or to see some new piece of equipment that you had been drooling over ever since you had seen it in the pages of the monthly magazine. If you were lucky they let you sit in on a session or two and sometimes they would even let you sit in the mixers chair during a break and listen to the takes they had just done. It was a magical time.

    Now anyone with a job at <insert name of local fast food shop> can afford to purchase at very low cost - very good equipment. For a summer's work you can purchase what amounts to a full recording studio worth of equipment and you can start recording yourself and or your friends.

    So far so good, the problem is that many people no longer want to take the time to learn how to do recording they want to have it all laid out for them in simple terms with diagrams and templates and when they get frustrated they turn to a web forum for the answers. They just spend $6,000 at GC and they tried to do a recording and it sounds like CRAP but it should not be that hard. After all they just finished DOOM in a very short time thanks to others on the web who provided them the necessary "cracks" and templates to win the game.

    They figure that on line you can get all kinds of advice for game playing and find out simple ways to get to your goal of winning the game so why shouldn't you be able to go on line and find out what is wrong with your recording. Since these same people are in such a hurry to get their recording done why use anything like a search engine to look for similar posts. It is far easier to just post another question than to have to spend time looking for an answer.

    They get upset when told that there is no "simple formula" for doing what they want to do at that they will have to experiment and use their ears to determine what is the best placement for a guitar microphone or what is the "best" settings for their eq or compressor. They don't have the time to "experiment" they want to be fed a diet of already tried information so that they can push a couple of buttons and instantly have the "sound" they are looking for. In short they want their information already digested and fed to them like pabulum.

    My best advice to a newbie would be the following: Nothing substantial is ever accomplished by looking for shortcuts or tricks the only way to learn something is to put your mind to it and take the time to learn it from the ground up - when you do that all the tricks and shortcuts will not be needed since you will KNOW exactly how to do what you want to do.

    But since no one seem to take that advice then I guess we will have to use your templates. By the way could you also make up one of your templates for "mastering" Thanks it would save a lot of time for someone who wants to know what mastering settings will make his music into a million seller.

    Thanks for providing a good comic relief service to the audio community.

  12. It's the built-in compressor. Point it to the "OFF" symbols and you're settings are -infinity:1 ratio, attack time: 0, release time: +infinity, threshold: -infinity. Set it the other way reverses the settings.

  13. UncleBob58

    UncleBob58 Active Member

    Yuk, Yuk, Yuk, Yuk, Yuk!!!!!!!!!!!! :-?
  14. stickers

    stickers Active Member


    I get your point, but you have too much time on your hands.

  15. Is anything ever really "too" funny? I mean, have you ever heard a joke and said, "you know, I'd have enjoyed that more if it'd been just a tad less funny"?

    I don't get that. Things can never be too funny. You can never be having too much fun. There is never a time when a little funnier, or a little more fun is unwelcome.

  16. Thomas W. Bethel

    Thomas W. Bethel Well-Known Member

    It is a quote from a good friend who always says TOO FUNNY! I guess you could take that two ways. Too meaning also or too meaning too much. Whatever it is an expression I like so I use it and McCheese was just tooooooooooooooo funny for me not to use the phrase.
  17. David French

    David French Well-Known Member

    Dude sounds like Seinfeld.

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