I liked the over the top energy. It's nice and loud and has that driven guitar sound.
But like most of the others, the vocals are lacking in a way that can best be described as 'not ready for the red light'
I also think you're sorta trying to span several genres at once. NOTHING wrong with that. There's elements of radio-ready punk, 90's guitar gaze, and all with a modern production on the drum sounds.
It's all sitting on the edge trying to gel and it's not quite there. BTW I also HATE the compression on soundcloud.....
So here's my suggestion.....FIND a vocalist who can bring this thing up. Someone with a unique take and tone. Someone whose guts show when they deliver the lines. I don't think tuning is going to help as it's not going to be that piece thats puts what your saying over the top. The way it sounds now theres a lot of thought and production in the instrumental and the vocals are being sang by the writer?? who should just be the writer.
I like it.
update: In ref to Chris' post I agree that with some producing you could get these songs really going. They just need that distinctive sounding voice. And they need to be in tune and in time. Working the phrasing and the meter of the vocals does a lot for the production