Short decays. Cheesy reverb. Oh, and compress the crap out of it before reverb. That should give you a completely unnatural snare sound worthy of a pop recording.

If that doesn't work you can use triggers and mix in samples from your favorite drum brain.

pull back the room mic fader, add another sample of a dry/processed snare drum and use parallel compression with a medium to slow release. add some smooth room reverb afterwards and you should have a tighter overall sound.
if you have something like a transient modulator (logic has one called enveloper) you can also pull down the decay of the overhead mics for a dryer sound.

Hard to say without hearing the drums, but a couple things to try are, quantize the drums performance, use a transient designer on the snare and maybe even overheads, mute the room mics, keep the overheads low in the mix, if you have to use them at all.

thanks guys. i use cubase. does that have a transient designer or something like it?

cubase 4 has a plugin called envelope shaper which seems to be similar.