So I thought for the purpose of fun and learning on the topic of mic technique, that we could have a thread that would give everyone to chance to say how they would record and instrument or scenario.
The idea is that someone makes up a scenario, and you the pro has to make a quick decision on how to mic the scenario or instrument, and which mic you would use and if necessary why. Just easy descriptions, and short answers.
Maybe we'll all learn some new tricks.
The rules are:
1) Only one person can answer the previous post.
2) And that person must post a new instrument or scenario for the next person to answer.
Example:
Person 1:
Q: The drummer shows up without a front head on the bass drum, how would you mic it?
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Person 2:
A: I would build a tunnel 4 feet long from the bass drum using small mic stands and a heavy blanket to a Beta52 on the opposite end. I would also have a SM57 beside the beater switched out of phase to capture the attack of the
beater.
Q: The vocalist refuses to sing with headphones and wants monitor just like when he plays a show. What do you do?
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Person 3:
A: Switch the monitor for the vocalist out of phase and a sennheiser. .
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So here we go:
Q: The guitar player wants a big sound but his amp is a tiny practice amp with decent distortion, how do you attempt to give him that big sound?
Comments
Halifaxsoundguy wrote: Q: The guitar player wants a big sound bu
Halifaxsoundguy wrote: Q: The guitar player wants a big sound but his amp is a tiny practice amp with decent distortion, how do you attempt to give him that big sound?
A: throw a 57 for close micing, and another mic (condensor of course) somewhere further from the amp to use as a room mic. EQ so that they work together, maybe switch polarity if necessary. blend to taste. reverb/delay to taste as well.
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next Q: drummer wants his 22" kickdrum to sound a 28" bass drum (billowy, big, ambiguous pitch).
A. Use a hightensile ,thick,and hydraulic head. Tune all the l
A. Use a hightensile ,thick,and hydraulic head. Tune all the lugs to the same tension at as low a note as it will clearly go. Completely remove one lug. Leave off the front head. Mic with a D112 or a Beta. Do Not place the mic more than 2 inches inside the head. Keep the mic level and in the center of the drum. For some click, high-pass the channel.
next.
Q. The lead guitarist continues to insist on using a high-wattage, multi-speaker'd, high-gain amp in the studio because "Its like the sound I want, dude....." Every take with this setup sucks ass at a high failure rate.
After two hours of wasted time, energy, as well as budget cash, do you....
a. secretly disable the amp so he will have to at least TRY the one sitting in your studio supply closet...........
b. Insist he lights up another fattie and further puts the band in a financial hole with his crappola....
c.Have one of your biker buddies who only likes country music by Merle Haggard knock him out in the parking lot for 'Disrespectfull Behavior'..
d. Drug him and do his hot girlfriend in the hottub after hes out.
d. none of the above with explaination.
Theres really no real answer to this I just thought I'd spice things up a bit.
next Q: drummer wants his 22" kickdrum to sound a 28" bass drum
next Q: drummer wants his 22" kickdrum to sound a 28" bass drum (billowy, big, ambiguous pitch).
A 28 inch kick isn't gonna sound like that, but get him one anyway.
Call Ben, ask him what it's like to spend 10 years recording a 28 inch kick drum.
Laugh at Ben for doing so.
Learn how to replace the drums with the sound the drummer's actually looking for (low and behold, it might be that thunky, woofy sound that the 28 inch drum Ben's been recording makes is the sound he's after).
Call Ben and ask him for samples of a 28 inch kick drum...
:lol:
I'll take: d. Drug him and do his hot girlfriend in the hottub a
I'll take: d. Drug him and do his hot girlfriend in the hottub after hes out.
And I'll STILL charge the goober for wasting my time!
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Q: The horn section and string section get times crossed up and show at the same time. Who do you record first?
Bonus; What mic's and patterns??... please show your work
MadMax wrote: ---------- Q: The horn section and string secti
MadMax wrote:
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Q: The horn section and string section get times crossed up and show at the same time. Who do you record first?
Bonus; What mic's and patterns??... please show your work
Errr.....who was closer to being there at the right time?
Will there be video of the joust between the Soprano sax and the violas?
A. Put em all in one big room and have em play each others charts..........VOILA! Its the 'NEW' Jazz.
And use a bunch of 57's randomly placed with an 87 in the bathroom for reverb and ambiance.
(BTW...I AM laughing histerically at Ben.)
Did I ever tell you the story of the marching bass drum that showed up at a session? With fresh calf heads on it? In the summer? With high humidity? And a egoist ninth power behind it???? Did I?? Can you make your vein in the side of you temple do this?????
scooterscot wrote: Well I have a question! Your client insists
scooterscot wrote: Well I have a question!
Your client insists on raising the level of the master because "its not loud enough!" Regardless if it will clip or not. What do you do?
A:
"Yes sah!"
*under your breath* "Three bags full."
Then you push it to the limit, without clipping, explain that you've pushed it to the limit. Turn up your monitors. Big smile.
Cunstomer is happy, your work is still pro. Win Win.
Q:
A Cro-Magnon Viking Wanna Be with a penchant for push-bikes wants to start a fight. What do you do?
A. You point him in the direction of a book that proves he can't
A. You point him in the direction of a book that proves he can't exist, since Cro-Magnon was extinct long before the Vikings and much longer before the invention of the pushbike.
Q. You have a client that couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. How do you tell him he isn't going to be the next Luther Vandross?
A: You tell him he's the best and encourage him to do a full al
A: You tell him he's the best and encourage him to do a full album because your studio needs the business due to lost revenue from all the Pro-Tools LE systems in the local community.
Q: You have a Major rap group in the control room with their posse. The lead rapper finds out that his bass player has been sleeping with his girlfriend, a fight breaks out, what do you do?
A: give a pen and paper to the lead rapper with some luck he'll
A: give a pen and paper to the lead rapper
with some luck he'll spawn the best rap song ever about his girlfriend sleeping with his bass player
Q: You're practicing before your scheduled band arrives and they hear you, they want you to play a solo or two on the album, without writing your name as the solo player in the booklet, what do you do, knowing they'll never be able to play a solo correctly?
MadMax wrote: Q: The horn section and string section get times
MadMax wrote:
Q: The horn section and string section get times crossed up and show at the same time. Who do you record first?
Bonus; What mic's and patterns??... please show your work
MM -
This is a trick question.
If it's a jazz/rock/country session, the strings were on time (exactly) and the brass players were an hour late and stoned.
Toss them in a room with an extra bag of grass and tell them that Miles Davis didn't actually play jazz but a new genre of American Music and allow them to debate for 2 hours while you go and record the strings.
IF this is a classical session, your brass players arrived an hour early so they could warm up and your strings showed up just in time to sit down, tighten their bows and hit and out of tune A. In this case, reward your brass - record them first. Sit your string players in a room with 3 tuning forks tuned to 438, 440 and 442 and allow them to fight over which player has the correct A. Now, sample all the strings because they'll all have killed eachother.
Dave -
The answer to your question is D. However, you'll need to make sure your studio is equipped with Penicillin.
Slice -
The answer to your question is simple. Show them your rate card for studio-musician without royalties. That will shut them up very quickly.
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A few questions:
1 - Your rapper client's girlfriend insists on showing up to support her "Boo" while in session. She sits in the control room with you. She won't peel the damn cell phone off of her bling-clad ear. What do you do?
2 - Your client books the studio from 2-4 and you have another session at 4:30. The first client shows up at 3:30 and still wants to lay down some tracks but insists on using their own drums and amps. When you tell them no, but ask them to pay for your time anyway, they leave. What do you do?
3 - A 13 year old punk-a$$ twerp calls you and wants to "lay down some tracks, yo!" He wants to know if you have Nooman mic's and the newest version of ProTools LE. What do you tell him?
4 - Your intern blurts out something about the drummer's girlfriend while the talkback is open. What do you do?
5 - (Final question - worth extra):
There's a fire in your studio and you only have the chance to grab 1 thing out of your studio -
1 - Your girlfriend (who's unconscious)
2 - Your prized microphones
3 - Your prized outboard gear
4 - The big bag of lebanese blonde
5 - Your dog
6 - You're the captain - go down with the ship.
Choose carefully.
Cucco wrote: 3 - A 13 year old punk-a$$ twerp calls you and wan
Cucco wrote:
3 - A 13 year old punk-a$$ twerp calls you and wants to "lay down some tracks, yo!" He wants to know if you have Nooman mic's and the newest version of ProTools LE. What do you tell him?
Give him a quote. You will never hear from him again. Works for me every time.
Nooman mic... I have one of thous right next to my Alias monitors and mini Mooog. :lol:
Q: You arrive at a live choir recording gig an hour early. The conductor has added an orchestra, moved the piano to exactly where you normally put your Blumlein pair, and has decided that he wants to sing the solo while conducting facing the away from the congregation. Oh, and do you have one of those head set microphone things? What do you do?
4 - Your intern blurts out something about the drummer's girlfri
4 - Your intern blurts out something about the drummer's girlfriend while the talkback is open. What do you do?
Tell him not to talk so loud about what I just did to the drummer's girlfriend in the iso booth while he was "figuring out" the song for the past four hours!
Davedog wrote: [quote=pr0gr4m]This thread has it all...Sex, Drug
Davedog wrote: [quote=pr0gr4m]This thread has it all...Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll. So the question is:
Q: Sex, Drugs or Rock and Roll?
...there can be only 1.
One begats the other two on occasion.
J.
1. While the 'Rap' is on, pull up the non-grainy version of her sex-tape with the her last poo on the second monitor screen......Now where'd dat 'Ho go???
2. Charge em on the books anyway, seal any work they've already done, call the rest of the studios in your area and get the word out.
3. Show him the rate book for idiots and block all calls from that number.
4. Make sure that the indiscretion is basically true and see if you can talk her into that too........
5. Dog first. Babe tied to the collar.......Keep smokin whilst checking the fire policy addendums.....
So I did. Q. A band of noisy children has booked a whole day
So I did.
Q. A band of noisy children has booked a whole day at your premium rate in order to really 'flesh out' their mostly inane and obnoxious version of 'Art'. They've brought every piece of gear they own because they want every track to sound a little 'different'. Fourteen takes and twenty false starts into the FIRST song you realize that they havent a clue about what they want to play on anything and have only an odd collection of small tidbits to work from.
Whats the course of action even though they have made it clear they are self-produced? Your role is engineer/studio owner ONLY.
Sit back, press buttons and say "Yessa Massa" while they slaught
Sit back, press buttons and say "Yessa Massa" while they slaughter any remaining dignity of the art form.
At the end of the day - they say "What do you think?" You just tell them - "hey guys, I'm your engineer. I'm here to press buttons and get your mics in the right place. It's you that have to decide what you think."
Then you mix the product as well as you can (spit polish the turd) and hand them an invoice.
Dude - that was an easy one. That was EVERY FRIGGING DAY of my life for 2 years! (This is why I didn't cry too much when the city shut me down).
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Question -
A stereo pair of Schoeps 221B is sitting on a stand behind the strings and some dimwitted violist knocks the rig down (even though it's sandbagged with 30lbs) to the floor in intermission and you don't have time to fix it. The mix fall 10 feet and land capsule first into the hardwood stage floor.
What do you do?
(No, seriously, what do you do? I need to know so I don't just off and kill the violist!)
If there's no chance of going out in-between a movement or the n
If there's no chance of going out in-between a movement or the next piece (You ARE wearing theatrical black professional clothes, right?) I think you have to wait it out, and hope you have a second take somewhere - rehearsal, perhaps, or another performance.
You can't kill the violist. Not in yet, anyway; not in front of witnesses, of course. Perhaps he or she could give you one of their better bows in lieu of cash? (Worth a good 10-30k depending on the bow and the musician. ;-)
Next time, maybe put the sandbag on the violist's lap, so they don't get up during the performance?
Ok, my turn for a quesiton:
Very Rich client hires you every year to record his annual violin recital with full orchestra. Problem is, he doesn't sound good, he sounds AWFUL - like a raccoon in a blender. At the end of the performance, he comes back all beaming and excited, wanting to know what YOU thought of the performance. He's now thinking about editing in post as well. Behind him, the rest of the muiscians are rolling their eyes and snickering, and your ears are bleeding.
What do you say? (Think quickly and carefully, lots of $ is on the line here, it's an annual gig...)
I always answer this question the same way: "Honestly, I wasn't
I always answer this question the same way:
"Honestly, I wasn't listening to the performance, I was listening to the quality of the recording."
Musicians typically understand that my instrument is the microphone and so on. They clearly understand that this is my priority.
BTW - the violist's bow was probably worth $20. This wasn't a top tier orchestra - think a local orchestra...
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Question -
Your client - a band with a drunk/high lead singer - pukes in your u87 during a take. What do you do?
A: If you say these things convincingly, you should be on a winn
A:
If you say these things convincingly, you should be on a winner. Because nothing is committal in anyway. So the client fills in the blanks with their own egotistical view of the world. I.E That they are good.
"I could feel the Soul and Passion (You need to pronounce the capitals) in your playing, the Humanity too."
(You do feel it, it feels like shite. If they ask you to describe your feelings, free reign on being vague, colours are a good one, nice bright colours)
You need to decide for yourself what it's worth to you to have your ears raped whilst you post-produce this guy, but if you decide you want to...
"I understand what you are trying to express with your music, and I can offer this understanding and my skills with pro-Tools to produce something truly representative of the Soul and Passion of your performance."
Charge like a wounded bull, a fat-cat self promoting rich douche usually doesn't respect your work if its cheap. Abuse this.
Hey, I'm all for people making money of fools. A fool and their money are easily parted. But you gotta provide the gold class service and actually _do_ what you say you will. Rich fools have smart lawyers.
Q: The guitarist you are recording has a crap Chinese guitar that wont hold tune for more than two minutes and when it's in tune the intonation is so whack you want to cry. Subtle hints aren't working and this cat slaughter is ruining every track. Can I steal the guitar and get someone to intonate it without copping "you ruined my mojo duuude..."? Should I just mute his tracks?
Q: Your client - a band with a drunk/high lead singer - pukes
Q: Your client - a band with a drunk/high lead singer - pukes in your u87 during a take. What do you do?
A: Check your insurance policy to see if this scenario is in the handbook. If the puke was thick enough it may not penetrate through the windscreen, you can proceed to wipe it down. Use listerine to cleanse the surfaces of the mic. Now you have a mic in your closet that Iggy Pop got 'personal' with.
At my work (Audiovisual) we had a client puke on a 12 channel mackie mixer, it was rinsed in a sink with paper towel and was used for a while with a sticky residue on it. Super gross.
Q: Your an audio guy guy tasked for as a lighting guy for the night operating a spotlight in a covered arena. You are strapped into a bucket / car style seat that is suspended from the roof with the spotlight well above the audience. You brought a coffee with you (large), you will be suspended until the strike 3 hours from now, it is an hour in and you have to take the worlds biggest piss, what do you do??
Just let it go dude... Be careful not to get it on any of the c
Just let it go dude...
Be careful not to get it on any of the control wires though.
BTW -
Not sure if that's either a HUGE ringing endorsement for Mackie or just one of the nastiest things I've ever heard....
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Question -
You have a "No Duece" rule in the studio bathroom just off the control room. The drummer ignores and drops off a dangerous payload - you're out of Lysol. Do you:
A - Cancel the session - that's just hazardous working conditions and frankly not allowed by OSHA.
B - Use Finger-ease and hope that the pungent smell covers up the lucious aroma.
C - Turn over the rest of the job to your A1
D - Live with it.
E - Verbally and physically abuse the drummer until he cries.
F - Retaliate with your own brand of funk from the Taco Bell lunch and 3 liters of coffee you drank all day.
So its gone to the bodily functions part of the show............
So its gone to the bodily functions part of the show..............
Are we just bored or what.
Heres an answer for ALL the bodily functions and the abuse there-of.....
NOBODY sings drunk into MY U87. Nobody.Ever.
ANYone who does not obey the Rules Of The Studio is not so graciously shown the door. End.
Q.
Three luscious post-teen singers are working on a pre-recorded track they have brought to you in hopes that they can figure out WHY their vocal parts arent jiving with the tracks. They tell you that their manager arranged the tunes and directed the musicians, booked the other room and he has left town with their budget and cant be reached. You put on the tracks and discover that they have been very auto-tuned, time corrected and they arent even close to the key signature that the girls have said they should be. You also find that while they have a decent close harmony, they can only sing in a couple keys as a group, none of which is represented on the tracks.
To make matters more........err....complicated....yeah thats the word for it..........the oldest and definately hottest singer secretly informs you that she doesnt like the other two all that much, that shes a rich, bisexual, nymphomaniac, and only likes guys who are really "technical and stuff" and wants to share her twin sister with "the right guy"..............
Whaddaya gonna do?
Rock and Roll must be dead by now......init?
A: Start going to church, because there is a god! Q: The Even
A: Start going to church, because there is a god!
Q: The Eventide Eclipse has a band delays preset, you can't afford to buy the unit because you are unemployed and broke living off savings waiting to hear back on a high paying job to solve your gear worries. However, once upon of time you managed to buy a pro-tools le setup with basic plugins, how do you use what you have to re-create that effect??
Davedog wrote: So its gone to the bodily functions part of the s
Davedog wrote: So its gone to the bodily functions part of the show..............
Are we just bored or what.
Not at all. These are hard hitting questions Dog. Life in the control room can be a b*tch...especially when you're confronted with crap like this. You know the drill better than most.
BTW - the answer to your question above is simple -
Explain to the kind lady that you have a friend in Fredericksburg, VA who is very techy and would be glad to service her. I mean...provide her some services.
Halifax -
The answer to your question is easy:
Pawn your grandmother's wheelchair and her Oxygen tank and go buy the damn Eventide already. No PT plugin will touch it.
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Question -
You have a guitar player with a horrible guitar and a soft voice. He can't sing or play to a click, wants you to record both the guitar and his voice at the same time (no scratching or overdubs) and wants to lay down drums later (did I mention no click?)
How do you handle it?
Cucco wrote: Question - You have a guitar player with a horri
Cucco wrote:
Question -You have a guitar player with a horrible guitar and a soft voice. He can't sing or play to a click, wants you to record both the guitar and his voice at the same time (no scratching or overdubs) and wants to lay down drums later (did I mention no click?)
How do you handle it?
Wow man, I'd like actually like to know the answer to that one, because I was there ... a week ago! (Exept for the crummy guitar. It was a nice Martin. Soft vocals, but skilled.)
Here's what I did: I close miced to vocals with a condenser vocal mic. Used a larger diaphragm condenser to get as much as I could out of the guitar. I wish I had put a piezo on the guitar as well for timing purposes. I made a tempo map, then conformed it to to a tempo. Laid down the drums with it nice and straight, then put the tempo back to the loose feel the client wanted, and let the drums move with it to be in sync with the guitar and vocals.
Q: You're recording a choir, and after four or five takes, they finaly nail the song. The only problem is during the last note, right at the big cut off someones cell phone rings! Do you
A. Chop it and fake it with reverb.
B. Use the end of a different take even though it wasn't good.
C. Try a few more takes. (who's expense?)
D. Something really clever and witty.
Ha... That's funny! Your scenario just happened to me 2 weeks a
Ha...
That's funny! Your scenario just happened to me 2 weeks ago!!
If the cell phone goes off right after the cutoff (in the decay) find a closely matched reverb and do your best.
Otherwise, pistol whip the owner of the cellphone in public and advise the other chorusters that they have exactly 30 seconds to shut theirs off or suffer the same fate. Then, redo the take minus one heavily-bleeding mezzo-soprano.
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Question -
You record a choir gig for a friend/colleague. It turns out, the choir SUCKS BIG TIME. On top of that, you have to hand cart 400 lbs of gear up 2 flights of stairs one transit case at a time and walk 1000 feet before you even get to those stairs. Then, the old piano tech/piss drunk tenor in the group is verbally abusive to you and spends the entire evening cussing at you in German (which you studied for 6 years and only remember the curse words...)
Now they want to sign a season contract with 6 engagements.....
Do you sign or do you pass?
Answer: You utilize a SM57 & balance things properly. Next! Ms
Answer:
You utilize a SM57 & balance things properly.
Next!
Ms. Remy Ann David
(The secret answer is you have to know how to engineer to begin with)