Working on a new song idea and would appreciate feedback. The vocals and guitars are a very rough take and can be improved.
[MEDIA=soundcloud]jonathan-linton-3/optical-illusion-rev1-20150602[/MEDIA]
JONATHAN LINTON – OPTICAL ILLUSION
(Words by Jonathan Linton, Music by Jonathan Linton)
Government is listening, they try to hide it
They can read your email before you write
Propaganda machine tries to deny
I don’t believe them, no, I just don’t buy it
BRIDGE
They propagate illusion of a free society
Fight against terror hides their impropriety
CHORUS
Big brother is work of fiction
There’s no government collusion
No prying eyes, no cyber spies
Just an optical illusion
2ND VERSE PENDING
BRIDGE
They propagate illusion of a free society
Fight against terror hides their impropriety
CHORUS
Big brother is work of fiction
There’s no government collusion
No prying eyes, no cyber spies
Just an optical illusion
SOLO
CHORUS
Big brother is work of fiction
There’s no government collusion
No prying eyes, no cyber spies
Just an optical illusion
Comments
Improved mix: [MEDIA=soundcloud]jonathan-linton-3/optical-illus
Improved mix:
[MEDIA=soundcloud]jonathan-linton-3/optical-illusion-rev3-20150602
Cymbals and OHs backed off a bit (were a bit harsh)
Vocals brought up, especially in verse
JKF speech part lowered a bit
Better mix of the Toms (was some low end rumble)
Guitar levels adjusted a little
Kick brought up
Feedback welcome!
There's something strange happening on the kick - a clicky, pha
There's something strange happening on the kick - a clicky, phasey kind of thing... it may just be SC's low MP3 res, but I don' think that's all it is... do you have some kind of stereo effect on the kick? Is the kick stereo?
Did you use any type of stereo "widening" or "enhancement" on this mix, or on any of the independent tracks, subs/buses/aux's?
Also, vocals are sibilant, and you've got a painful edge happening at around 3-5k. Truthfully, I can't really listen to this at a level any hotter than around 65 db or so, because that frequency range on the vox just gets too painful at any level louder than that.
A suggestion:
Because this isn't really a forum that critiques songs so much in an "artistic" light, ( lyrical content, back story, motivation, message, statement, etc.) and, because we are more oriented towards critiquing mixes; as opposed to taking the time to write out the lyrics - it would have been more helpful, if you had instead taken the time to list details about your recording set-up.
( at least your mic and gain chain - which would be preamp(s), i/o, any external processors you are using before your signal hits the DAW ( gain reduction, EQ, etc.)
Also, any details regarding your Master Bus... do you have any EQ, GR - or any type of processors inserted? And if so, having specifics about each would help us help you further.
-d.