Hi all,
Working on a grunge song idea. Feedback welcome:
[MEDIA=soundcloud]jonathan-linton-3/ghost-of-your-past[/MEDIA]
GHOST OF YOUR PAST
(Words by Jonathan Linton, Music by Jonathan Linton)
It’s the same apparition
Coming back
To warn of the future
With a flashback
It, spooks, and, scares, you
It, knows, just, how, to
Exploit, your, weakness
And, your, help…, less…, ness
You, can’t, escape, from
The ghost of your past
Like a phantom limb
The ghost of your past
The ghost of your past
The ghost of your past
Now a big storm is formin’
In your mind
The past has escaped you
Can’t be confined
You, should, have, lis…, tened
Your, doom’s, now, chris…, tened
Ign…, nored, your, weak…, ness
Now, you, are, help…, less
You, can’t, escape, from
The ghost of your past
Like a phantom limb
The ghost of your past
The ghost of your past
The ghost of your past
Comments
A couple of observations about the song which I thought was pret
A couple of observations about the song which I thought was pretty cool (and if we were sitting in a room together I'd want to workshop with you).
Grunge often talked about the self -- so instead of framing the song about You (and making the listener either say "yes me", or "no not me") re-frame it around "I" ---- "I" allows the listener to imagine someone else in that experience --- they'll make the connection to themselves believe me (because the ghosts of the past haunt us". It also puts the singer into the song -- raising the emotional stakes. Something like AIC's "Sickman" had so much more urgency in the message because it was personal. How would you rework these lyrics to be about you -- the singer -- as subject? That's one thing I'd recommend.