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Mastering Jokes

In light of someone talking to themselves in the other thread. I wondered if there are any Mastering Jokes or Mastering Humor? It would be good to laugh at ourselves once and a while?

I'll Start this train, we need some brevity here.

Two Mastering Engineers walk into a bar. .It Hurt.

NOT LOUD ENOUGH DAMNIT

I'm using logic pro 7.1 and i have recently recorded some songs using a grand piano with various mics etc- i have mixed it all but when compared to a track from a 'normal' CD- the level in my songs are way below that of the others- BUT in logic when i was bouncing the song i bounced it at as higher level i could with out it peaking, so how do i do this- its so annoying!

online mastering

Hello i was wandering how would i go about this " online mastering" should i ever want anything mastered by an expert, i guess first i would need some web space to upload my song, what file would i upload it as? how would i get it back? how much would it cost ? say for one song just to hear the results. Thanks.

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