Aghast.
The young Audio Engineer couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw the drummer rock into the session with his drum kit.
Four long-haired blonde groupies doing most of the lifting.
….23 mounted tom toms, 2 hi-hats, 3 floor toms and two kick drums….
It was obvious….. this was a REAL metal band….
The guitarist was the same,, TWO Marshall quad boxes and FIVE guitars….just incase he broke some strings …..
Sweat dripped from the young AE’s forehead as he recalled this was a five hour session that was booked.
Three hours later the kit was completely mic’ed and checked.
But now he had another problem, the Bass player… who was adamant he wanted his cabinet mic’ed and his foldback had to be the D.I send.
There were leads everywhere man,… these guys were trippin’ all over the place.
The band and groupies sat gawking at the poor AE as he set about his ways plugging everything in …. checking for earth loops …. getting the lighting right.
Slowly the band got stuck into the booze,, getting anxious to record … getting a little annoyed and impatient as to why it would take this long to set up and soundcheck.
Time was running tight, and the poor AE had just finished doing the full drum check…..when…
….when the phone rang……
Please feel free to continue from here ….. :D
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Can we mic each drum in sterio?? "...STERIO...??"... the young
Can we mic each drum in sterio??
"...STERIO...??"... the young AE was really confused now...
"Don't you mean Stereo..?" Asked AE.
The young boy in the wheelchair looked up , this was one word he was familiar with.
He sitting at the desk moving each fader up and down ... and doing some coke on the side....
He'd also managed to set up a feedback loop in the mixing console and popped the two recently replaced tweeters in the monitors.
There was a thin trail of smoke coming from the power amp...
The young Audio Engineer stood for a moment trying to take in the situation...
...wondering whether he was going to get that milk to his young wife ......
..."Stereo?" "no problem", came a small voice through the studi
..."Stereo?" "no problem", came a small voice through the studio announce system. It was the boy, and he said... "I have each mic assigned to 2 channels"..."all tracks are armed and ready, who needs these crap speakers anyway, I work with phones."
The AE's blood pressure was at critical level now...."stop everything! He muttered, "Who the hell is at my console?" The guitarist said, "isn't he your engineer?" The room was filling with chatter, tuning, smoke and empty bottles.
The AE made a direct bee line to the control room and thought...
I should have listend to my mother. Sure law school would have b
I should have listend to my mother. Sure law school would have been tough, but I'd be making GOOD money. I wouldn't have to tolerate these ego-maniacal guitar gods, this sloppy rythym section, these drunken idiots, wheelchair boy, and most of all the no-good-good-for-nothing...
...good for nothing groupies.... The young AE stared at the w
...good for nothing groupies....
The young AE stared at the wheelchair boy ,,
the cripple seemed comfortable and well at ease behind the desk.
Occasionally smoking the odd cigar , his manner seemed to hide his true age.
It quickly became apparent .... this was no ordinary kid....and they weren't ordinary cigars...
"Have you got a kick sound?".... asked the AE to the younger wheelchair bound child...
"yes ,, i have all three kick drums micked in Sterio .... i mean Stereo ... "
"I have everything checked except the Bass D.I send"... the young cripple proudly stating .
Who was this kid..? ... the AE asked himself...
...and how did he get here ?
??? "The boy said "Dude, I read minds too!"...he wheeled his cha
??? "The boy said "Dude, I read minds too!"...he wheeled his chair from one end of the massive console to the other...like a ghost floats on air..."and I'm not a cripple!" he said with a firm voice.
"I had an ingrown toe nail removed". "The DI send is set...oh wait, lemme at that Ausie pre on rack B".
With the careful touch and grace of the pilot of 707, the young boy was clearly at home as he wheeled down to the bay and patched it in. "What are we waiting for, time is wasting, I got homework to do"....Let's Rock!"
The AE, wide eyed, mouth open, still wondering how the boy got here, grabbed a jumbo and.....
--Rick
Suddenly - behind him........... Tito, Jermain, Marlon, and J
Suddenly - behind him...........
Tito, Jermain, Marlon, and Jackie burst through the door.
"Micheal! Get out of that wheelchair!", Tito exclaimed.
Confused, the AE started in, "But I thought that was a nine....."
"year old boy? Lots of other young AEs did too. Don't fall for it. He pulls this all the time." said Jermaine.
The groupies took notice and........
Originally posted by Jeff Z: The groupies took notice and.....
Originally posted by Jeff Z:
The groupies took notice and........
...ran out into the alley spitting and choking. The AE said..."hands off the controls there pardner..I have a session to do, and mama needs daddy home, on time!" The family clan took Michael and gaffer taped him to the chair, wheeled him out, grabbing jumbo's along the way...meanwhile....
The groupies saw him, went running to his car and... ...Owl w
The groupies saw him, went running to his car and...
...Owl was a respectable kind of character.
He had good judgement and sense.
There was a rumour going 'round years ago that he was the illegitimate child of Phil Spector but this was later proved to be false.... by Owl's Mom.
The groupies ran towards the car and started pounding on the windows.
Owl was wondering what was going on , he could see from their frantic expressions ( and gaps in their teeth ) that something was not quite right.
He reached into his briefcase and pulled out a .....
Huge vase of fresh cut flowers, which he handed through the wind
Huge vase of fresh cut flowers, which he handed through the window of the Ferrari to the excited groupies. Some of the groupies tucked the flowers behind their ears, but one one particularly intoxicated groupie lolled against the warm car and bellowed, "Owl is the damned besht producer inna world. Who else would have been vishunary enuff to put together a supergroup starring-"...
Originally posted by David Doc Herbert: Who else would have be
Originally posted by David Doc Herbert:
Who else would have been vishunary enuff to put together a supergroup starring-"...
...Non other than...Rick E. Smartin. By now, all the members of the group have arrived. The AE had regained control. All the fine adjustments have been made. The AE switched to the console speaker B system of NS-10's and threw the phones in the trash, as they were covered with dippity dew.
His PT rig was in standby with 72 tracks, things were sounding sweet.."Ok, let's go for a take" He said. From the drummer came "a one, a two, a one, two three..."CUT...yelled the wise old Owl, where is the cow bell?"
Rick E., in the vocal booth, said...
Rick E., in the vocal booth, said... "Can we cut this with Auto
Rick E., in the vocal booth, said...
"Can we cut this with AutoTune now, so you don't have to mess with my sound later?"
At that exact same moment, the bass player had an idea. "Why don't we do this take with a bass banjo running through those 4 Ampeg SVT's over there? And can we reverse flange the G string?"
Wiping the endless cascade of drool from his mouth, the drummer said...
Wiping the endless cascade of drool from his mouth, the drummer
Wiping the endless cascade of drool from his mouth, the drummer said... [/QB]
"ok, I got my cowbell, lets roll. But make sure you got my drum sound right. The last time it sounded like my drums were made out of cardboard."
Rick Smartin' turned to the Wise Old Owl and said: "damm, Owl, did you actually let him hear his tracks before we switched them?" To which the Wise Old Owl replied: I had no choice, he burst into the control room and demanded to hear his take before we could pull our usual switcheroo."
...demanded to hear his take before we could pull our usual swit
...demanded to hear his take before we could pull our usual switcheroo."
The drummer said "That's cool!...just as long as I get credit, noooo problameo! "Wait a dang minute" said the bass player,"why do we gotta give this dude a charity gig?" pointing at the drummer.
Owl said..."eh, wanna hear what your track's really sound like?" The bass player looked confused, then shook his head, looking at the floor and pretending to tune. "Then shut the F*** up", said old OWL.
"We got 1 hour 15 to get this right...any more F***in questions?"....
"We got 1 hour 15 to get this right...any more F***in questions?
"We got 1 hour 15 to get this right...any more F***in questions?"....
"wdfdfddmmmfnddldgof" mumbled wheelchair boy through the gaffers tape.
"WHAT?" Screamed Owl as he turned.
As a groupie peeled off gaffers tape with her teeth, taking off layers of black/white pseudo skin from around his mouth, wheelchair boy asked again, "Just one question, What's happening to the keyboard player?"
They all spun around in horror.
A flurry of activity surrounded the keyboard player. His 3 techies in their "DIY or DIE" T shirts were quickly trying to interface his retrofitted, firewire B3 and Leslie with the 80's MIDI strap-on controller that "looks cool in the video". The "sampler guru" - was downloading the bootlegged version of the just released Keith Emerson Fabulous Keyboard Groove Loops Cd on a pirated version of ACID to be triggered by a foot pedal near the drummer's sterio (I mean stereo) headphone amp. The real scary image though, was the keyboard player himself...
Whenever his head peaked out from underneath the B3 (which was rare) one was immediately reminded of....
The real scary image though, was the keyboard player himself...
The real scary image though, was the keyboard player himself...
Whenever his head peaked out from underneath the B3 (which was rare) one was immediately reminded of.... [/QB]
Big Foot or the Abominable Snowman. Little fly shite specks of eyes peared at you from under a mass of matted hair and tangled beard. it was a scary sight and most people were appalled and had to look away. Yet if you forced yourself a second look, you could discern that the man had become a shadow of himself. yes, this was the foremost keyboardist of the 80's, the man resposinble singlehandedly for advances in punk, funk, and new wave. The disco killer himself, none other that...
The disco killer himself, none other that... Motartz's clone,
The disco killer himself, none other that...
Motartz's clone, saying "I tried killing it...BUT YOU PEOPLE KEEP BRINGING IT BACK."
Not to be outdone, the bagpipe player piped in and asked about hooking up the the house clock, to keep everything in sync. The guitarist on the other hand decided that his pre-CBS Gtretch Les Paul wasn't the amp of choice, and demanded a black faced AC30...
The piano player (a guy they hired from a marching band) didn't like the feel of the Mello-Farfisa, and said unless he could get the Bosendorfer upright, he was walking...
Tired of the shennanigans, the label's A&R guy walked in and said...
...Tired of the shennanigans, the label's A&R guy walked in and
...Tired of the shennanigans, the label's A&R guy walked in and said...
...."Alright, everybody gather in a group and sing this..We are the world..We are the childrens...get it?" "Ad lib, just do it, you never know?...We have no time left for anything else" "C'mon Michael, you start! Make it up as you go along, and just keep repeating...Then everyone join in" Owl said, "yea man! we'll add music later"
Everyone took the mics off the drums, guitars, amps, any mic they could grab.
Owl hit record, gave a gentle cue motion through the glass,
and...
Originally posted by Sebatron: ….when the phone rang…… ..
....Getting to the phone, he picked up the receiver... "We need milk"...his wife said, when your session is over pick some up. "Right, I will.... Bye" he replied.
Turning round, one of the blonde groupies was right in his face, and with the breath of 12 hours of drinking and other peculiar odors asks... "Do yas haf a batroom? The AE raised his arm and pointed the direction of a large sign on the wall. The groupie stumbled away, when 2 more unknown persons came in with 4 cases of jumbo beers.
There was a tint of electrolyte in the air. Some thing is cooking! A bead of sweat rolled from the AE's forehead on down to the tip of his nose...suddenly, a loud squeal is heard, the AE looks toward the console and see's a young man about 9, in a wheelchair moving faders. The drummer approached the bewildered AE and said...
Please continue...
--Rick
[ February 07, 2004, 12:40 PM: Message edited by: Rick Hammang ]